When abandonment has shaped you, parts of you often become devoted to preventing it from happening again. In IFS terms, you may have protective parts that manage connection (people-pleasing, perfectionism, caretaking) and other parts that react when the fear spikes (with anger, shutdown, distancing, or panic). Underneath them is usually a younger, more tender part carrying the wound: grief, fear, shame, loneliness. These parts aren’t trying to sabotage your relationship. They’re trying to...
